As the saying goes, people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They could be our co-pilot in handling life tasks such as shopping, working, and parenting. If you’re dating someone with this challenging condition, it might be helpful if you understand specifically what triggers your partner. Therapy can absolutely help with emotional intensity, and can mean you relate to others in healthier ways that leave you less lonely. And there are certain kinds of therapy designed just to help with this issue — see our article, “Therapies that Work for Borderline Personality Disorder“.
You may get overwhelmed by things that excite your partner, and as a result, are not able to do things or attend certain events together. You may find their music too loud, their taste in humour too abrasive, their perfume overpowering. It is merely a reflection of your innate drive to optimize your environment so you can spend your energy on better things. Perhaps you were trapped in some unhealthy family dynamics that afflict empathic and sensitive children— such as being parentified, scapegoated, or attacked.
Dating Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
The second I need time or support or even a hug I get nothing from him. I’m not his therapist, in fact he won’t get any help, I wanted to be his partner and I expect some comfort back. I don’t mind being the main support or things being around him and his issues a lot of the time but I can’t cope with it never being about me ever. I worry about him but he does seem to always land on his feet. He made no real effort to fight for me or us and just said he knew he was rotten to the core and I deserve better.
Matching descriptions of a ‘highly sensitive person‘ or ‘HSP’. Such feelings, if experienced too often or too intensely, may ultimately make a relationship non-sustainable. When you most need them, avoidant partners may find ways not to be there. They may say you are the cause of any relationship issues. They may find it difficult to see their own part in problems.
She says I don’t know and if you don’t then we have no business together anymore. I end up saying something like I can’t do this then with the no communication and you getting angry and not willing to talk or help me figure out an idea. Get some of your things and maybe go stay with a friend for a few days because we seem to just fight and maybe we can figure something out after a few days. Seems like it was the easiest thing in the world for her to do. It has costed me 2 jobs and put me into a massive depression.
As a result, people with BPD may quickly go from idealization to devaluation—or thinking that their partner is a horrible person. These emotions may result in frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, such as pleading, public scenes, and even physically preventing the other person from leaving. This can lead those with BPD to be constantly watching for signs that someone may leave them and to interpret even a minor event as a sign that abandonment is imminent.
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«This type of personality disorder can often be difficult to manage and often characterised with unpredictable thinking and behaviour.» Being the sensitive child, you always have in one way or another – either physically or emotionally, visibly or invisibly – played the role of a caretaker. This role reversal between adult and child is known as ‘parentification’.
Having been hurt and betrayed before, either in childhood or in previous relationships, you might have built a wall or a shield around yourself. This is usually not a conscious action but an automatic protective mechanism. Just like the protective barrier switch in an electric circuit, your system shuts down when the pain got too much. Somehow, you have installed the thought patterns that say, “I don’t need anyone”, “People are not dependable’, ’It is risky to trust someone’, ‘People can hurt me, and I may not survive it this time’. Someone who overfunctions may find it hard to tolerate witnessing other people making mistakes or not performing optimally. They can’t help but offer the ‘better way’, thus finding it hard to not absorb other people’s emotions or let things go.
They may tell someone they love them only so they can be loved back. In a healthy relationship, loving someone is not dependent on having that love returned. But with someone with NPD, when your love stops, their love also stops. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder think nothing can hurt them and see themselves as invincible, which can lead to dangerous, extreme behavior.
Relationships Essential Reads
Your partner may spend a lot of time looking for clues about how you truly feel, like analyzing text messages, ruminating over conversations, or testing you. Only a mental health professional can accurately diagnose BPD. Emotional intensity occurs with people who feel things differently — they almost absorb the emotions of the people around them, which helps them feel as if they can relate to others. That’s a special task, but it can often seem exhausting. Sure, things can get a little complicated here and there. Sensitivity is a normal and healthy part of human emotion, and it’s about time everyone got down with that.
31 years old and I have never had anything like this effect me. She was the first women I ever thought about being the 1, the first women I was ok changing and compromising my way of life for because I loved her that much to do so. She hasn’t even told me to leave her alone or to fuck or anything, just complete ignoring https://www.onlinedatingcritic.com and it has hurt so so badly. It has really ruined my life these past months since this all happened. We would advice that you don’t feel responsible for stabilising her. Working together is one thing, it’s important to support each other and find new ways of communicating, but be wary of feeling it’s your job.
I found myself constantly saying what can I do or say to reassure you that I’m never leaving you? Although I never knew what I was getting into I believed she was worth loving and she loved me unconditionally. I have some insecurities so she built me up and loved me like no other. But when her illness magnified and surfaced it was pure hell.
If you or someone you know is seeking BPD therapy, The Soulmate’s qualified mental health specialists can assist you in overcoming your challenges and obstacles. Because it frequently co-occurs with other diseases such as “depression, bipolar disorder, substance addiction, eating disorders, and anxiety disorders,” BPD is known as a misunderstood disorder. Learning about the disorder will help you better comprehend how your loved one feels. Recognizing that your loved one has a completely different emotional perspective will assist you in protecting yourself and adhering to boundaries. However, keep in mind that you must gauge your partner’s mood. When you give a compliment at the wrong time, it can elicit strong emotion.
They are fueled by their passion and moral direction. Especially if INFJs encounter discouragement, restriction, or what they deem unsubstantive challenges, they can burn out very easily. They are masters of communication, both verbally and orally.